There's not much I can say about that ending that wouldn't be a spoiler, and I know there are still people out there who haven't played this series. (But for those that have: I picked the green one.) But wow, that was... emotional.
This is a longish post without screenshots, so I'm just going to put in a jump thingy here... Click for more.
I was thinking earlier that Shepard hadn't told Kaidan he loved him, and then they said their goodbyes before heading out, together, but still didn't say it... and then later they said it. And it was goodbye.
From that second forward, everything hurt. Just... everything. Finishing the mission, finishing the game, knowing it was the end.
I want to go back to a world where everyone thinks reapers are this crazy dream Shepard once had, and the enemy is just a very ordinary (albeit highly-trained) guy. I want difficult choices with names, not body counts. I want Shepard to be the hero everyone thinks he is, not this very human wreck of a man, wracked with nightmares and doubt.
And yet I can't criticise this game. I can't fault the writing for making me actually care, that was its job. Same for the acting, and the actors. Same again for the animation, and other effects. It was... an experience. Unforgettable. A wild ride. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes frustrating, sometimes fun. But always entertaining. I'm glad I gave it a shot, even now, in the aftermath.
I won't lie, I am going to miss the hell out of this Shepard. I could play again with the same face - and probably will - but it will never be the same. I'll make the same major choices, but I can't remember every time I picked a paragon option, every time I did a renegade click event. He'll say different things, he'll turn out differently, it just won't be the same.
I probably shouldn't be making blog posts while it's still so raw, but getting it out is.. helpful. I might go silent for a bit, just to process and recover. But I'll be back. I intend to play through at least the first game again, at some point.. but I don't know if I'll go beyond that. We shall see.
Remember when you said I had convinced you to start playing Mass Effect and I said, "I'm sorry"? This is what I meant. It's such an amazing game, but it hurts so much. Watching Shepard get up and keep limping forward alone was one of the hardest things.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that gets me is I was literally worrying the day before, 'Shepard hasn't said he loves Kaidan yet, and it's almost over, he's going to miss his chance!'
DeleteOf all the times to finally say it... that was the hardest thing for me.
Then, Anderson.. Anderson was right with him until the end. And when Shepard looked down at the blood on his hand, his own blood... it just felt like no matter what I chose, he wasn't making it out of this one alive. I had to pause the game there and go rant about it for a bit. I couldn't go on.
I had to ask myself 'what would Shepard do?' to even get anywhere, because I was completely frozen, couldn't make a choice to save my own life. It was rough as hell.
But I don't regret it. I am actually kind of in awe at this series, and how it made me feel so passionately. I wasn't even aware I could feel this way about certain things (mostly Kaidan, which is why I can't shut up about him, I don't know how to process it). So, thank you, for introducing me to this series. I am sincerely grateful.